fifty kilometers

finally

i waited a long time for these
seven hours
twenty three minutes
and thirteen seconds

let’s start at the beginning

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my uncle pushed me to start running
so i listened
bragged to my friends for six days
took a break on the seventh
and said i’d go for another run someday

i finally started running everyday
on april 20, 2020
420, pretty ironic, huh!

i started with one mile
bragged a little less
ran from my house to school once
and eventually ran my first 10k

i didn’t know what a kilometer was
until i started running
but it sure beat having to run 10 miles
that’s for sure

eventually
i went to college
i joined the ucla triathlon team
because the running club practiced in the evening
and found a home away from home
a family that wanted me to get stronger

i ran my first marathon a half a year later
and my first half ironman five months after that

i was on top of the world

and then i started to lose
silently

a long bike ride inflamed my knee
three months of heart-ache later
a long run inflamed the arch of my foot

patellar tendonitis
meet posterior tibial tendinopathy

i had planned to run a 55k
in april of my sophomore year
but i could barely walk without pain
let alone run

i skipped breakfast
because i didn’t feel like i deserved to eat
if i hadn’t worked out

without my anchor of discipline
i felt like i had failed
fundamentally

why did it matter
if it was out of my control?
but i was too tired to be reasonable

as i spiraled out of control
desperation took hold
i spent hours in the sauna
contemplating impermanence

soon i’d start moving again
and after watching my friends
run their first 55 without me
i decided it was time to come back

ultra boy summer had begun

i was still kinda injured
but i didn’t care

i struck out to run the hardest
race i had ever come across
a 50k in marin county
with over 6500 feet of vertical climb

i built back my fitness from nothing
to something

it was lonely
hot
and mentally the toughest training season
i had ever endured

was it rewarding?
sure

but was it fun?
this is a deeper question

i spent the last year
wondering what was missing in my life.

when i got injured
i didn’t just lose running
i lost my tribe

movement is about the people
the beautiful humans who
chide you when you’re tired
but carry you on their back anyways

i spent a lot of this summer
wondering why i wanted
to run longer
to attempt greater feats of endurance
why i cared at all

but it’s these people who’ve taught me
to become one with the world
to care for myself
that life is about more than the next step

i’d never have slowed down
if i hadn’t sped up to meet them

the next year of adventures i plan on chasing
will focus on these people

it’s time to relearn
how to move again
but this time
i won’t be alone.